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Day 24

January 24, 2012

Subject:  Clean Boy

Camera:  iPhone

Comments:  Sorry about the gaps in posts–just busy over here!  Day 2 of my new work schedule was great.  Getting up at 5:30ish is hard, but it’s totally worth it.  It’s very nice to have the office to myself for an hour or so as well.  My little boy is growing up before my eyes and it’s SO nice to have a couple of extra hours in the day to stare at him.  It’s hard to believe he’s 15 weeks old.  Every once in awhile, I think back to the moment he was born and try to recount every single thing that happened.  But it’s hard because it was so chaotic, I was in so much pain, and I had been up for nearly 48 hours.  What I do remember so vividly is meeting him for the first time.  It wasn’t right away because they had to stimulate him and get him breathing well, but after a few minutes, they laid him in my arms, all swaddled in a white blanket and if I didn’t know it before, I knew it then:  I would do absolutely anything to make sure this beautiful little boy knows how much I love him and that I will do anything for him.

I read a blog post by a pretty well-known mommy blogger called “Don’t Carpe Diem“.  The basic premise was that parenting is hard; it’s a grind and not every minute is going to be enjoyable.  So stop putting so much pressure on yourself to “enjoy every moment”.  She asserts that we don’t like to parent, we like having parented.  When I first read this blog, it rubbed me the wrong way.  I didn’t like its tone and found it difficult to appreciate its message.  Now that I have reread it, several weeks later,  I can say that I agree with the basic theory behind these words, but I also think it’s a luxury to think this way.  I want to and have to savor every moment with Kalen because I don’t get enough of them.  I’m learning to live with this fact, but it makes it that much more important to me that I soak in as much of him and our time together as I possibly can.  I might feel differently about this in a couple of years, when Kalen is writing all over the walls with magic marker and I am simultaneously ripping the markers out of his hands and (god willing) nursing another child.  But for now, as a working mother of one beautiful 15 week old boy, I’m going to carpe the heck out of every diem.

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